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Saturday, November 1, 2014


I'm gonna stop apologizing for not posting regularly because obviously I've done it three years in a row and haven't chosen to amend my behavior, so there. Anyhoo, still here, still around. Still unmotivated to post daily. I do have lots of things to say and lots of time to say them but I just still don't. I'm strange...but if you've been reading you know that by now. Oh well, I'll try to do better. 'til next time. See ya!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014


So it doesn't actually make a difference because the woman is leaving soon (as in quitting) but I keep being really weird around the VP of the department. I don't know what's wrong with me. The two times that I've been alone in the elevator with her, I've been completely inarticulate when she tried to speak with me. It's hard to describe how exactly but you'd get it if you saw me. I'm a complete spaz.

Anyway, it's quitting time around here today and I run into her leaving her office so I say good night and she says it's been a quiet day (sure, okay and here it is) AND THEN she reaches out to pat me on my shoulder and I actually (completely involuntarily, I must note) FLINCH AWAY from her touch! I don't know why the f*ck I did it. I know she wasn't going to hit me, and I'm not afraid of her anyway. I can count on one hand how many times in my entire life I've flinched away from someone. (Incidentally, one of the other times was when the young doctor took my hand to look at...I actually don't remember what he was looking at, either my ring or my wrist. I knew he wasn't going to hurt me but I actually flinched away from him like we were playing that slapping hands game.) So embarrassing! I hope it wasn't as obvious to her as it was to me but really, it had to be. I actually shrugged out of her reach. Wow, you'd think I didn't like being touched or something. So weird.

I will say this though, in my defense...why the hell was she going to touch me in the first place? It was weird to begin with. Like patting me on the shoulder? Huh? Why? Seriously, the whole thing was bizarre but my reaction takes the cake. I honestly can't account for myself.

I just had to share.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

An Example of the Haphazard Nature of Online Dating

Apropos of nothing except that I feel like talking about dating, I started trolling (haha! funny weird choice...you'll see why later) on OkCupid this weekend.

Did you know that they've changed the Quickmatch feature into something akin to Tindr? (I'm sorry. I've been complaining about it to anyone who will listen all weekend it would seem). So on Lovey*'s advice I've been trying to look at it as if it were a game. Ignoring the fact that I'm dismissing people solely on their appearance knowing nothing about what type of person they are (insomuch as I could ever know that via their profiles anyway). As a self-professed and acknowledged superficial-ageist, this plays to all my worst and basest impulses, which aggrieves me. (Which is the reason I never downloaded the app after Pindi- that's not his name btw- showed it to me). Anyhoo, so I was "swiping" on OkCupid yesterday- brutal- truly, all the ug-mugs (as my mom calls 'em) got tossed. When I come across a guy amongst my matches that I recognized. So I look carefully and suddenly I'm like,

"Holy Shit! This dude is an actor!"

So my first impulse is "Not cool, this is some dude using the actor's face as his profile picture", until I click through to see more of his pics (still can't see the profile though) and it's him, the actual actor. Because while the first picture looked a little more like a head shot (it wasn't but he's an actor so I'm guessing by default most posed pics probably look like head shots), the other pictures are a series of selfies. So I'm like what is this dude doing on OkCupid? Until I remember that I've actually heard a couple different stories about celebrity people being on OkCupid and Match and stuff. (For example, Jessica from TrueBlood met her fiance - or maybe husband by now- on Match.)

Anyway, so I'm looking at this dude, he's cute, he's a bit age-Ed (44) but you know, that's, ahem, um, well, that's just my age range now, isn't it? So I'm like just give him a star and that's when it hit me- it's dude from Gremlins!!!! I couldn't believe it! First off, I can't believe I can't remember his name, I used to know it easy. (I mean I still remember Phoebe Cates so why can't I remember his name?) I think it's Zach-something, but that could have been his character's name, but I feel like the character was Charlie (or David?) maybe it's vice versa? I'm really losing it. Anyhoo, in my shock I forgot to look to see how much of a match we were (the percentage I mean), I feel like that's something I would have to brag about (which is probably why I didn't see it). But I gave him a star and kept it moving. So weird right? He must be planning to pick up a child on OkCupid because anyone in our age range is going to be like "GremlinsGremlinsGremlinsGremlins!!!!" as soon as they see his face.

And on a related note, do you suppose he was doing the normal guy thing and lying about his age? I ask 'cuz I was a little kid when Gremlins came out, I remember this. And he was a teenager in the movie (so you know he was in his twenties IRL). How could he possibly be only 44? I mean he looked 44 but how could he actually BE 44? Well, one way or another, he's still super cute (I used to love him as a kid - he was just my type of WB back in the day). My second-grade crush (who was actually a boy in sixth grade- I suppose I wasn't ageist then, was I?) looked just like him. That's what I liked about the boy.

Ah well, just add this to the sort of weird shit that occasionally happens to me I guess.(I think fairly recently I said something to someone about getting- or having- a Mowgli. Maybe this is my chance!!! LOL!)

*Not her name, but of course Zach-something or other is actually I think, Zach ______ (something or other)

Friday, May 2, 2014

TV Funhouse

I'm still watching Person of Interest and Agents of SHIELD ('cuz I have no will power and I'm too lazy to take them out of my queue...AKA exactly what I did with Burn Notice and Psych.) But SHIELD is improving...glacially and PoI is downright good, I hate to admit it. I like that they keep mentioning Taraji. (I had been ready to jump off when they killed her) That helps a bit. This week's episode had just the right amount of everybody (except Fusco).

I'm not sure how I feel about The Blacklist. Sure, I watch it for James Spader, but woman cannot live on Spader alone. Meagan Boone is such a problem. She's like a piece of plywood --without an interesting aspect and stiff. And to top it all off, the wig is awful --it's a crime. I hate that I'm so caught up in aesthetics but it's just who I am. And there's no rhyme or reason to my likes and dislikes. Similarly, something about Ryan Eggold's eyes unsettled me (not in a creepy way, more like in a Ellen Pompeo-style "I find it distracting that you have some sort of facial deformity" way). But he was in the Single Mom's Club- which was horrible, of course- and it changed my whole mind about him. For one, what's he doing in a Tyler Perry movie?!? And two, he was funny in a very cute way in it. So there's that going for it, plus I like Diego Klattenhoff, Henry Lennix and Parminder Nagra. Thank god, because if it all relied on MB's charisma, all would be lost. Fo' real.

We haven't talked about Scandal in a minute (I'm on my lunch break btw). It's just as well, that show is well off the rails. I don't think they even care if the shit makes sense at this point. Any one episode now is crazier than whole seasons of Greys. I know the zeitgeist is to embrace the crazy and just go with it, but now I think they've gotten to the point when they're just indulging in crazy for crazy's sake. Besides the point that Katie Lowes' and Guillermo Diaz's sex lives should never never NEVER be committed to screen, did you see that absolutely vile, disgusting shit where he spat on her (what's with the spitting and these two?!) and then licked the place he spit. Arrggghh!!! Like WTF dude! That shit was so nasty. I had to fast-forward through it (I waited until Saturday night to watch the episode and by then I'd already read recaps that warned me that was coming- thank God!)

I hope Papa Pope is dead, not because I don't love Joe Morton (I do) but because I want to free him (and Khandi Alexander) from this bullsh*t....and also because that would totally serve Olivia right for not staying in her godd@amned lane. She is not a secret agent and no one elected her ass to office, just because she's sleeping with the president (still) doesn't mean she has some kind of mandate to do sh*t! Bitch, you're a fixer, go fix some sh*t and mind your own gotdamn business! (See this is why I'm still watching, I'm still invested, crap!) So many feelings, so little time to write them down.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

When was I Happy?

This is Laura Marling. When Were You Happy

Hey there New Friend across the sea/

If you figure things out/

Would you figure in me?

When were we happy?

And how long has that been?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

My Interpersonal Skills...or lack thereof

I need to be out of my house more interacting with human beings, outside of work. 'Cuz, I'm turning into a creature...I'm not even sure what kind of creature it is but whatever it is it's soon going to be incapable of interpersonal relations.

I saw this cute Scottish dude's profile on OkCupid and initially I wasn't even going to say anything. -Because I know I'm not his type, despite the fact that on OkC we're supposedly an 85% match 90-something percent friendship match. But then I decided f*ck it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Right!

I didn't even know what to say. I mean I literally didn't have anything to say! I couldn't believe it. Once upon a time, despite the fact that I was shy and truly preferred not to, I had the ability to talk to anyone about anything. That's like a f*cking ninja, kung-fu life-skill right there and I had it. Just naturally had it, ever since I was a kid. According to my 'rents, it was a little unsettling when I was younger, I could talk with adults, other kids, anyone. I won't go so far as to say I was charismatic (that's OD'ing a bit) but you drop me some place and as painful as I might find it in the process, at the end of the day I could manage to make a genuine connection with someone. And now it's gone...Kaiser Soze'd off - poof. Gone. I'm so inept now, that given an unlimited amount of time with no pressure (as say for example, with this man who was not standing right there in front of me, looking at me and waiting for my responses) I could not come up with anything interesting to say. I let my one ninja skill atrophy and die. That's just pathetic.

Okay. That being said however, I didn't allow that to be an excuse not to put myself out there. I sucked up my suck-age and sent him a message anyway (I had to try- did I mention he was cute AND a Scot?) but still, what I wrote was super sh*tty - just unoriginal, uninteresting, definitely generic dreck. So of course, he didn't respond. Not that I thought he would anyway, but it's one thing to think he didn't respond because he's uninterested in fat girls (which I know is invariably true, without knowing the guy from Adam) but it's another to know that I also blew it by being fat AND uninteresting. Ugh. So sad, too bad.

And again I'm having an insane sense of deja vu. Like I wrote this same thing last year at this same time...I'm going to have to check the blog to see. That would be both crazy and sad if that's the case. And it's not just a sense of deja vu about having this conversation about writing a guy I knew wouldn't be interested, it's also deja vu about the deja vu. Good God it's a glitch in the Matrix!