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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The War of the Iced Coffee

I'm venting (so what else is new): I was on the subway today when this guy comes and sits next to me. He's got this full cup of iced coffee and he puts it on the floor between his foot and mine. Okay, let me back up a minute to set the scene a little: I got on the train and I let this chick that was on the end door beat me to a seat that was right next to the middle door, which is where I came in. I said "let" because I was closer but I'd allowed the passenger that was getting off the train get off without bogarding my way in to snatch the seat. That said, I was still closer to it, but I saw her coming for it and I didn't want to be seen running to beat this chick to a seat. I don't know why but I just think that running for a seat on the subway is kinda tacky.

So I'm standing there when I notice that there's a seat much closer to where she was standing that's open. I approach with caution because as you well know, normally an empty seat is a tell tale sign of some nastiness. So when I get to it I observe that while the seat is fine, there's multiple drops of wetness on the floor directly in front of it. Wetness that would be on my legs and lap should it be, for instance condensation from the A/C above us. But I look and though the drops look like water or something, there's no dripping happening from above. Which means though the seat is up for grabs, I don't want to step in whatever the fuck that is on the floor. So I sit down and spread my calves while keeping my knees together ('cuz I was wearing a short dress). Can you visualize what I'm saying? I'm sitting as daintily as I can manage while keeping my feet apart and back under the seat (and away from the drops).

So when the teenager on my left gets off, this motherf#$%^& comes in, sits down and puts his damn drink right by my foot (which is precariously placed already and if it should slip is gonna knock his drink across the fu$%^& floor). At first, I said nothing because he was fiddling with shit in his backpack, so I assumed, he'd get himself situated and pick the drink back up. Nope. So I wait and now my leg is on the verge of trembling from the strain of not coming forward for just a second so I can re-position a little. (I think honestly this was more the power of suggestion than anything, because I was fine before but now I was obsessed with the idea that I was going to knock this drink down). So finally I just say "Sir, can you put your drink between your own legs because I might kick it over where it is."

He looks at me like I'm speaking another language but he gets the drink. that's probably where I should have left well enough alone. But I'm like "I'm sorry I'm just afraid I'll knock it down." He proceeds to put it right back where it was as if he's unsure of what I just asked him to do. I'm like "Not there, put it between your own legs not next to mine." He's like "I get it" all annoyed. I say, "I'm not trying to be a jerk here, I'm just saying." He's like "I get it" all stern and shoots STFU-daggers at me. But picks it back up and just holds it. I don't know what was so difficult about my request. I didn't say don't put it on the floor. Why did it have to be there? Why rely on a stranger to not accidentally knock the shit over when you could put it between your own legs and only have to worry about someone possibly standing in front of you (which no one was at the time)?

Anyway, when the lady on my right gets up, I slide my ass over to her seat on the end. When he sees me doing this he's like "I'm sorry". But it's not like an apology, it's like when you say "I already apologized bitch, what the fuck else do you want?" So as a dude is sitting down between us, I just say "It's fine, you can put your drink back down now."

I mean now that I'm recounting it to you in detail it's not that big of a deal but at the time I was pissed! I mean WTF man! I wasn't asking him to give me his first born or even his cup of iced coffee! I just was asking him to take responsibility for his shit and keep it between his own legs. I can tell you from the way he reacted when I spoke to him, that he'd have been heated and ready to fight if I'd knocked his cup over. He'd have been like "Bitch watch your feet!" And probably wanting me to give him the money for it. Yeah, right. Damn, people are so inconsiderate.

BTW, that stuff on the ground hadn't evaporated by the time I got off at 34th street- so it definitely was not water (ew!)

Friday, July 26, 2013

Ted

I have no idea what I dreamed about last night but I woke up with this feeling of ebullience. I admit, right as I was about to head to bed, I turned to HBO and Ted was just starting. I stayed up and watched the whole thing! It was Family Guy bad (because, you know, Seth McFarlane directed it) but it was also damn hilarious! It's funny, I thought Mark Wahlberg was trying to be a real actor now- in like, serious movies and action movies, you know? But he was a real goof in this movie.

I already thought he seemed like cool (Boston) peoples (which is different from being just plain old "cool peoples"- 'cuz white Bostonians always seem to me to be kind of benignly racist even in their very best iteration- so you are always required to qualify it a bit). But he seemed to not be taking himself so seriously in this movie, which was cool to see. Especially when you know that he doesn't want people calling him Marky Mark and stuff. It was fun to see.

All that said to say, I'm in a strangely positive mood today. Let's see how long that lasts.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Thought Catalog

So I got this from Thought Catalog, which is one of my new favorite sites. I keep saying that one day I'll try submitting something. That day has yet to come. Anyway, though I only included number one but I think you'll appreciate numbers four and five, like I did. Check it out:

"5 Universal “Truths” About Dating I Don’t Understand

1. Never want it more than him or at least, never share that information.

The last guy I was dating seriously was so busy all the time that the majority of our relationship was typed out in that little text box on my phone.

Hey I’m out at X bar with some people if you want to join after work.

Hey I’m going out to dinner with some friends, can you join?

Hey movie?

Hey coffee?

Hey dinner?

Hey drinks?

Hey I think I’m having a relationship with your phone

Hey nevermind.

If I like someone, I don’t understand why I have to hide it just so I seem more desirable. To me someone who is acting aloof and busy is undesirable. I have my own life, but ostensibly I am looking for a partner who would like to share that life, which would mean expressing interest in hanging out once in a while or just texting back, even if it’s to say you’re over it.

I think it happened when I was breaking up with the inconsiderate academic who wouldn’t settle down and the not-so-great guy I was “seeing” occasionally. I can’t exactly pinpoint where in the middle of those years I missed it all, the dining a deux, the pairing off, the engaging, the walking-down-the-aisling, the childbearing, the mortgaging and the like. I’m not sure exactly, but I can remember crawling out from the crumpled sheets of that emotionally stunted, yet gratifying time and thinking: what the fuck.

I mean I was and am still learning to date. Still learning how to turn on charm, negotiate between witty banter and meaningful conversation, fighting not to get too drunk on nerves and bourbon as the potential of a night is discovered or uncovered. As it unfurls like a newspaper, all promise and smudgy fingered...."

Read the rest: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/5-universal-truths-about-dating-i-dont-understand/