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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Water Works...

My boss reduced me to tears yesterday (in front of her). Before you're too shocked - it's not that hard. I'll cry at the drop of a hat. I just try not to do it in front of people. I should have excused myself to go to the bathroom but we were right in the middle of a one-on-one meeting so I didn't. I walked out to my desk to get something and tried to pull myself together - which would have worked had she not noticed my eyes were red and running and asked me directly if I was crying. Which of course made my eyes and nose run like a leaky faucet. It was just awful. The whole thing. I hate it here.

I really didn't want to even come in today. Honestly I want to quit. I can't work somewhere where I'm miserable everyday and afraid of my boss. And more importantly, I've now stigmatized myself as a big ole baby- who can't take a stern talking to. One of two things is going to happen soon, either she's gonna fire me or I'm gonna quit. (I suspect the former -my parents would shit over the latter). I honestly don't understand what's wrong with me. Despite the fact that working at my last job felt like it was killing me I probably shouldn't have left. But you know, this is probably going to happen to me at every job. I hate this. I hate my "career"- such that it is. It's self pitying to say I should just go be a bum somewhere (though it's true) but I need to do something. Come up with a plan of some sort or I'm going to just kill myself, seriously.

I think I need to have an emergency appointment with my therapist.

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