EW.com: Today's Latest Headlines

PopEater

Monday, January 10, 2011

Married Men (NOT) Wanted

So I know that I'm, at this point, writing to myself but at some point eventually someone will read this and hopefully answer this for me. My question of the day is: Is there something about some women that make them more attractive to attached (read: married) men? Is there something in their demeanor or comportment or carriage that makes a man with prior commitments think they are more attractive than others? Do they look easy, or merely uncomplicated? Better yet do they seem more susceptible to the "ole okey-doke" (i.e. calls whenever, treated however, taken in by whatever, available to whomever)?

I ask this because over my so-called dating life, I've seemed to attract more than my fair share of espoused gentleman. Not men in relationships- I think those dudes are par for the course. (Uncommitted) men play the field, they check to make sure that the grass is not indeed more verdant elsewhere. They explore their options and venture down new pathways- they stray. That's just the way of the world. Not as I would like it, of course, but it just is. I'm talking MARRIED men. Men with wives, men with children(!), men with mortgages, and children's playdates and couple-friends and in-laws and family vacations. Married men! MARRIED.

What. Is. That. About?

Why me? What scent do I give off that says that is acceptable to me? (It's not). What about me says don't even bother pretending that you are not in some other committed relationship? I mean even if they lie to me at first, they don't bother to lie for very long. And generally they don't even bother. Sometimes they tell me about their plans with their families or how much they admire their wives! Excuse me, ¿que? Why I sit around long enough for much past that is anyone's guess.

And do I splash my drink in their face? Do I curse them out? Do I beat them like a little old lady with my purse? No. I just laugh politely and walk away. Or finish our conversation and move on. Or change the subject to keep things platonic. Maybe if I flipped out, this would happen less frequently. Clearly, I must be doing or acting in a way that is particularly attractive to this segment of society. So what is it I'm doing and how do I stop doing it?

To further complicate matters, my friend says I generally walk around with a neon sign on my forehead saying "Stay Away!" and am apparently frequently hostile and unapproachable. (This is news to me, but I'm the trusting sort. I'll take her word for it). So I'm pretty sure it's not Eau de Desperation I'm giving off. But if not, why is it that married men particularly, are the ones willing to go once more unto the breach? Huh? I mean since they've got a sure thing at home, why bother? Is it just for sport? To keep the skills sharp? And if so, what sort of sport is that? Am I good "game" for those who want the thrill of cheating but have no intent to actually do it? Do they like me because they know they won't make any actual head way with me? By playing with me are they in fact playing with themselves? Am I the metaphysical equivalent of masturbation?

A free dinner for anyone in the metropolitan area that can riddle me that. Just please, for heaven's sake, don't be married.

No comments:

Post a Comment